The Ties
Various spiritual traditions have taught versions of a concept of invisible threads connecting us to one another. The most well known concept that I’ve seen is the idea of the red thread that connects us with our soulmate, but I’ve found others with differing details.
One version I’ve revisited often says that we have an energetic string with every person we meet in our lifetime. Reflecting on this idea led me to explore the nature of relationships. Of course, the threads would vary in strength and complexity, just like our relationships do.
I think some of the strongest bonds are the ones that show up with tangible links, like our parents. Personally, the threads I share with my parents are varied to the extent they’re essentially opposites. With that, I also can’t help but wonder, if there are threads with our physical creators, could there also be connections to a spiritual creator?
Maternal Thread
In my opinion, the connection between a mother and child is one of the strongest bonds we have. There’s a fierce strength to it, and simultaneously such gentle nurturing energy. The phrase “mama bear” comes from a very real dynamic. Another detail that ties into this is a concept that my mom mentioned to me: microchimerism.
My mom explained the basics of it during a conversation about family history. She said that during pregnancy, there’s a small amount of the baby’s DNA within the mother’s body. Even after birth, remnants of the baby’s DNA remain within her. It sort of mirrors the fact that babies inherit DNA from their mothers. To me, that sort of exchange makes the metaphorical tie feel more like a two-way street.
Given that I tend to think symbolically, learning about this sparked some internal reflection on my relationship with my mom. I contemplated our history, and let the memories play out like a movie in my mind.
I could see events unfolding. from my earliest happy memories in my mother’s arms, the orangey smell of her kitchen cleaner on her clothes, to the evening coffee runs and honest talks we have today. During the time between, we went through hell together. We faced periods of separation, navigated the shipwrecks of our mistakes. We fought to heal our wounds and rebuild from the broken foundations up. We refused to be extinguished.
I saw so much love conquering the traumatic events and circumstances we’ve lived. I chose and continue to choose my mom. And during that reflection, it fully dawned on me just how much she chooses me too.
For us, the thread can’t be broken, no matter how frayed or tangled it gets. It’s a thread started from shared genetics. But also from choices made through hellfire, rooted in love and forgiveness.
Paternal Thread
While my mother-child bond was fiercely chosen, the one with my father paints a messier picture. I wrestled for years with it, tangling up the binding string of disappointment and trauma, at times denying any thread existed at all. With reflection, introspection, and time, I was able to both recognize the connection and maintain my boundaries.
It was a rough process, but I’m thankful for the lessons I learned from it. I accepted that there was a thread that I couldn’t truly destroy. I acknowledged that parts of my father do exist within me, genetic and otherwise. Even still, those inherited traits are not inherently negative. Through grief, I realized that I still loved my dad, even missed him. The pain that comes from love in a situation like this taught me that I can accept the pain of longing without reconnection. We can accept our connections without being bound by them.
Acknowledging the thread freed me of its tangled chokehold on me. It also taught me that I could find other outlets to nurture that space in my life while keeping my no-contact boundary. I naturally gravitated toward (healthy) fatherly male mentors, and found comfort exploring spiritual fathers.
Personal Agency & Divinity
At least in my own experience, there is an element of choice in our connections. Many of us choose to sever our connection to physical parents. Personal agency is highlighted within our relationships, but there‘s still some sort of balancing act. Although we have the agency of choosing to disconnect from our parents, there’s a remnant embedded within our DNA whether we keep in contact or not.
Some of us also might choose to “switch off” connection to the spiritual. Both disconnects are valid and should be respected. I just can’t help but wonder. If we carry a remnant of our parents within us (regardless of whether that bond is chosen or unchosen), could we also carry something from a spiritual creator?
This question brought up even more questions to reflect on. Could consciousness itself be the remnant of a divine origin? Could our capacity for love and connection be a link? Is there a universal thread connecting us all to the same source?
While I don’t have the answers to any of these questions, exploring and seeking has been well worth it. The questions will likely never have answers. Maybe reflection, hope, and wonder could be ways of connecting to our divine threads. Asking curious questions seems more important than the answers themselves.
Whether or not we find answers, our sense of awe and wonder can bring us closer to truth, connection, and even freedom.
When we explore them, we reflect on our relationships and how they impact us. We reflect on the value of personal agency and chosen family, biological or not.
The ties that bind us don’t have to be ropes that keep us bound and trapped.